Transforming Silence

October 26th, 2009 by yohan abeynaike

The recent islandwide power failure was awful wasn’t it? Getting up in the middle of the night in a bath of sweat I couldn’t help muttering about the decline in the state of the power and energy industry. Was it a strike or sabotage? Couldn’t they have planned their ‘action’ at a more convenient time? Later in the morning I got to know that it was a maintenance issue. The frustration I felt was compounded by the realization that there was nothing to do. I couldn’t put on the TV or radio to hear some music. My phone was dead so I couldn’t listen to anything or browse the internet. It was just me staring in the dark in silence.

As the night wore on it dawned on me why I hated the experience. It wasn’t the fact that the room was like a steam bath. It wasn’t because I was bored and helpless. It wasn’t even because I had a busy schedule in the morning and I needed the sleep. The silence in the darkness forced me to think about things that I don’t like to think about. Everyday I crowd myself with distractions and noise to avoid thinking about these deeper questions of life. When those were taken away I was forced to deal with the questions. It wasn’t going away and I couldn’t ignore them. One after the other they came at me. Who am I really? Is there any purpose to my life? What about meaning? Am I happy with the life that I am living or do I just exist? Is death an ending to everything that I am doing in life? Urgh… the questions were so hard and the answers so depressing. Was it a mid life crisis well before time?

As I struggled through those questions I realized the futility of some of my ways. The more I did things to gain significance the more I realized how baseless it was. I needed significance that was not based on my looks or qualifications or the friends that I have or the abundance of my possessions. I wanted value for me with all my warts and quirks. I wanted meaning for my everyday mundane activities. I needed a purpose to live that was bigger than the struggle for existence.

The morning light brought some respite for my weary soul. I realized that I am significant because I am made in God’s image. I am loved because in spite of all that I do to ignore and provoke him, he values me so much to send his son Jesus to die on a cross so that I can be made whole. God thinks me so important that he is willing to let me partner with him in bringing about a kingdom of peace, love and justice that we all long for. Life itself is not meant to be temporary but eternal in the bosom of the Father. All that I do now that is in line with his purposes will not be lost forever when I die. Instead it will be transformed and used for the glory of God in his eternal kingdom.

All my questions may not have been fully answered but my fears were calmed. I had renewed vigour to face the future. I realized that my life and work had greater significance more than I could ever imagine. Wow…maybe the power cut wasn’t so awful after all.

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