Raising Children: Lessons from Christmas (Priyan Dias)

January 25th, 2011 by yohan abeynaike

Christmas and children

Christmas is without doubt a festival centred on children. Whether in carols or presents, or even acts of charity, it is children that figure significantly. This is understandable, because Christmas celebrates the birth of the Christ child. Unfortunately, the commercialism and sentimentality that surround Christmas also involve children. So for example, it is said that some children in the U.S. can expect to get up to 25 gifts from Santa Claus – what a bonanza for the department stores. In the carols, the Christ child is portrayed as someone who did not even cry, despite the sounds made by the surrounding animals – and I thought Jesus was supposed to be fully human!

I want to consider however the aspect of raising children to adulthood. What are the usual assumptions about this commonplace but very important activity? Are these assumptions challenged by Christmas? Let us look at two such assumptions.

Model citizens or Trouble makers?

It is commonly assumed that the goal of raising children is to produce model citizens who will take the place of their parents in upholding and continuing a way of life. The birth of Jesus however sits uneasily with this notion. Even before he was born, his mother proclaimed in the Magnificat (Lk 1:46-55) that Jesus’ birth would upset the status quo – “He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble; He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.” When the wise men inquired from Herod about the new born “king of the Jews”, King Herod was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him (Mt 2:3) – “all Jerusalem” being no doubt the corridors of power in Palestine at the time. When the wise men wised up to Herod’s intentions of killing the infant king and avoided reporting their encounter, Herod flew into a rage and ordered the slaughter of all the male children of Jesus’ age in Bethlehem. Jesus managed to get away as a refugee to Egypt because Joseph was warned in a dream of the impending doom. I wonder what Jesus thought later on about his “culpability” in that slaughter? Whatever the answer to that, it appears that trouble followed Jesus, or vice versa.

When Jesus was 12 years old, he brought grief and anxiety to his parents by deserting their travelling party and remaining in Jerusalem for 3 days to discuss the law with its teachers. The Lucan passage (Lk 2:41-52) does indicate at the end that Jesus was obedient to his parents, but they certainly seemed to allow him to challenge their values and ways – this I think goes to the heart of parenting; we must allow our children to rebel against our prejudices, often dictated by selfish interests. Later on in his ministry, Jesus embarrassed the social elites, identified with the marginalized – including fallen women, tax collectors and former insurrectionists – and broke the letter of the law in order to keep its spirit. This confrontationist attitude eventually led to his crucifixion – a death reserved for brigands and enemies of the state. All this however was juxtaposed with the meekest of dispositions towards his fellow human beings.

So, when we sing “For he is our childhood’s pattern”, what exactly is the pattern we see and fit our children to? Meekness and humility are certainly to be prized. Jesus was also resolutely obedient to the will of his Father, but that often meant social disobedience (breaking bread with sinners, breaking the Sabbath to engage in acts of mercy, not breaking his silence when questioned by ruling dignitaries etc.). Too often we train our own children, whether at home or school, in passive obedience rather than in social/civil disobedience.

In some ways our attitude to raising children depends on how we view our society. If we think all is well, we will tend to want our children to be social conformists. If we feel that there is much amiss both in our world and ourselves, our children can be a source of hope for better things. That can only happen if they learn to trouble the strong on behalf of the weak. I venture to suggest therefore that the goal of raising children must not be to produce model citizens but trouble makers instead.

Sparing or Sharing?

We do not raise children in isolation. We do so in the process of living our own lives, where we are constantly challenged in new areas of costly discipleship. Some of us respond to such calls for sacrificial living, often incarnating ourselves in deprived environments. Almost all of us however would hesitate to expose our children to hardship or deprivation. We have a genetic tendency to shelter our children. The working assumption is that we would not mind any hardship ourselves, as long as our children get the best that life has to offer. We feel that our children should not have to suffer because of our choices. So, for example, we may choose to serve in difficult areas – even as missionaries in remote areas – but we would want to give our children the best of education back at “home”. This is fair enough – I am not criticizing anyone who has done that, given that I have not even left “home”. Christmas however gives us a different model for our consideration.

The language the Bible uses in describing the incarnation (e.g. Jn 3:16) is that the Father sent the Son. In other words the parent allows the child to experience the self emptying deprivation of the incarnation (see Phil 2:7). And the incarnation is for “keeps” – just as Jesus was God with Man while on earth, he is now Man with God in his resurrected body. Of course Jesus is glorified at the end (Phil 2:9-11). The principle we can draw is that it is often deprivation and hardship that cause our children to blossom. We should not try to shield them either from our choices for sacrificial discipleship or indeed their own.

We do have examples where parents have taken their children along with them to serve in difficult areas – including war zones such as the North & East; or where parents have encouraged the callings of their children to work in Christian service or even low paid and risky service oriented careers (e.g. journalism). God honours such parenting even in this world, but most certainly in the next. We should of course heed and/or dispense wise counsel where our children’s futures are concerned, but the Great Incarnation at Christmas urges us share our children with a world in need, and not spare them.

Putting Christ back in Christmas?

We hear frequently that we must put Christ back in Christmas – the call becoming more pertinent given that the festival is often called X’mas! The invocation is mostly directed against the commercialism associated with the last fortnight in December. However, the sentimentality surrounding the Christmas stories is probably more pernicious than the commercialism. Putting Christ back in Christmas means we have to seriously consider raising trouble makers rather than model citizens; and that we take steps to share our children with the world, allowing them to make sacrifices, rather than sparing them.

Priyan Dias
(from a sermon preached at S. Paul’s Milagiriya on 26/12/2010)

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